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Talk:Smells Like Teen Spirit/@comment-25523651-20140903220522/@comment-6196215-20140904195946
I totally get you. I relate so much to this. A lot of people will say they're depressed and all, when they're just sad. DEPRESSION is so much more than that that the average person simply just won't understand. I have been diagnosed with depression and social phobia (social anxiety disorder) for years now (tho I've definitely had it for much longer) and I've been taking anti-depression & anti-anxiety pills for about a year now (on top of pain relievers for my scoliosis sometimes). And it really doesn't work for me when ppl just say " it gets better" b/c it deoesn't for some people. (like me) I'm a complete loser at school, the definition of it. I can't look people in the eye. People have so many misconceptions (as with depression) when it comes to social phobia. They think it's just shyness. It's so much more than just being shy...way too much more. I can barely speak in front of people because I know they'll always be judging me. I'm hypersenstive due to terrible home-life. Everyone fears that, everyone fears people talk about them, get anxious in some social situations, nervous public speaking, and everyone has their insecurities, it's at an all time high when you're struggling with social phobia. I wont just be nervous, I will avoid it at all costs. I'll walk slower in hallways because I don't want to be in anyones way. I don't go to lunch because I'm a nobody... and everyone would be looking at me alone and making fun of me. I will risk being late to class or just be slower in general so next to NO ONE is in the hallway for me to go to my locker for 1-2, I got to my locker 2-3 times a day rather that between every period because I can't stand the crowd. I can't talk because I'll stutter/stammer talking to anyone. My voice is hoarse not because of yelling or anything... not from a bad throat, but because I'm afraid to talk at ANY GIVEN MOMENT. It's horrible. because of this problem I can't even talk properly. I feel diseased, with no cure. Because, it's not like there is one, for me. Add that onto depression, and you have one wreck of a person = me. And while I have contemplated many, many times, having these problems for years... I'm still here, and that's something to keep going for & never give up as they will say/ I also hate it when people say stuff like "it get's better" because it doesn't for a lot of people, That's not a fact. It's really hard to recover. I actually love a poem that sort of adresses it, written/performed by the rapper Watsky (one of my favorites) it's here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-cT8Qe7y3k There's a lot of truth to it. It's always the best to tell you're mom, though. I think that's a step in the right direction. I don't mean to be depressing with my whole message but I think people who haven't really struggled with depression or whatever issue in question, (unless they're a professional) the misconceptions bother me. Like it seems from them that everything is easier than it is, when it isn't. (BTW, I'm not accusing anyone here, this a general statement from my experiences). I hate myself too. No one's perfect, that's a well known fact. but the thing is, just about everyone is more perfect than me - that's just how I feel. Everyday, every next day of my life, every one.. (ya) I feel like a mistake and that my family ... everyone regrets me. I'm never going to be good enough for anyone really. It is true that it takes the effort to improve. But that effort is really hard to make, you don't just wake up one day, and you're okay again. If you're sad - not depressed - that's how it is; a few bad days. But Kieran I know you're depressed and I totally relate. Unfortunately, I can't really help you in regards to this, but just say my hope and best regards because I'm not sure I can help. I hope I can, in some way.. but honestly.. I'm not entirely sure because I'm an entirely broken person. I think I'd just make it worse maybe, as I feel like I do to anyone. But saying this, it's my way of telling you that if you need someone to come to, and you don't know who to go to. There's plenty of people here , including me , that can relate 100%, and even if they can't, they can support. As everyone here does. We all support you. And I get sad sometimes even more, because I think there's a 100% lack of good people in my immediate life, I basically hate everyone. And the only people I love -- you're all here. But I can only talk to yall through a screen, and that sucks.. I hope someday it can be different. It does get better. Yeah, it can. If you try. People leave this part out a lot of the time. You need to stay strong, not for the sake of staying strong but because it gets better. When the time comes, it might be a while, or feel like forever or that it may never come (as I feel right now) but both of us, you & i, and everyone else who's depressed, has anxiety, or any sort of disorder, will recover one day and will be able to look back on these bad days and acknowledge that you had the strength to get through it. It isn't as easy as people who say those redundant phrases will lead on to, but it's worth the effort because we all deserve happiness whether it comes soon and easy or hard and long. It'll come